What if your creative practice needs to change with you?

I’m learning that forcing myself to create isn’t always the same thing as showing up for my creativity.

I miss writing on Wednesdays.

Since starting a new job three weeks ago, I feel like I’ve been yanked out of my familiar routine that allowed so much space for creativity and replaced it with 9-5 and commuting to London. Before, I had the whole Wednesday to write, taking notes the day before and then immersing myself in it properly on the day itself.

Now, I get an hour at lunch and I really hoped it would be enough... but reality thought otherwise, and I think that’s less about fitting things in than about how there just isn’t enough time to switch modes some days. Turns out, going from producting into creative mode requires more than closing the laptop.

These days it’s not the page that’s blank; it’s my brain. The usual advice, just write something, anything, and let the rest follow, doesn’t really work when the simplest words won’t come to the page.

Even writing this piece felt a bit forced, but sharing about our creative practices (or struggles with them) is what it’s all about.

Trying again tomorrow

The first time I sat down to write at the office, the lunch hour was over before I knew it and the notebook page in front of me was still empty. I’ve spent an hour holding my pen and not being able to put it to paper, even just to write “Lorem ipsum dolor…”. It felt similar to the new mum brain fog, but this time it was completely blanked out by meetings and the mental load of learning about a new industry. I promised myself I’d try again the next day, even though I already knew it wouldn’t work.

I felt like I was betraying myself - going into the corporate world and not being able to sustain my creativity, the very thing that made me feel like… well… me.

It took me some time to stop feeling guilty about it too, because I’d committed to writing and sharing something here every Wednesday, and I wasn’t honouring that agreement with myself. But boy, am I exhausted, mentally more than physically, and even though I know things change and this will settle eventually too, right now it feels a bit like a personal failure.

Btw, I’m taking any and all suggestions on how to get better at switching modes, or incorporating a writing routine into corporate life!

Filling the hole

After feeling guilty, I started filling the space with other things to do instead:

〰️ Reading (anything other than market reports)

〰️ Making learning activities for my kid when I’m working from home(that’s as close as I come to crafting)

〰️ Tidying, because clutter causes mental overwhelm

〰️ Going down a Substack or Pinterest rabbit hole in search of inspiration

And reminding myself that output is not the only part of a creative practice.

I still want to write, but I know when to push myself through a blank page and when pushing feels like punishment. For me, writing is joy. I wholeheartedly believe that you need to have some sort of discipline or at least a devotion around it, but I still want to come to it from the place of curiosity, play and desire rather than obligation.

I’m learning to tell the difference between resistance that’s part of the process and resistance that’s actually telling me that something isn’t right. I don’t want to push through when it feels like punishment, because forcing it when it’s not there isn’t discipline; it’s working against the actual point of doing it.

Asking instead of expecting

I do believe that living a creative and inspired life takes, first and foremost, knowing and trusting yourself. And that starts with treating yourself with kindness. It’s easy to drag yourself in front of a blank page simply because that’s what you “have” to do on Wednesdays. But I think it’s far more powerful to turn inwards in those moments and actually allow yourself to have a say in the process.

Maybe the practice isn’t always to push through, but to pause and ask yourself what you actually need in that moment, rather than expecting yourself to produce something regardless of how you’re feeling.

That requires knowing yourself, but it also requires allowing yourself to change. The practice adapts to you, not the other way around. And staying committed to something doesn’t always mean doing it in exactly the same way.

Thank you for reading!